I Love Hospitals

Author: 🏥

I’ve been to a hospital about 4-10 times (can’t remember exactly how much bc most times were when I was super young) I’ve only been about 3 times for myself and most if not all were self induced. I love being physically ill and I will never forget being at the hospital and the nurses being genuinely the kindest anyone had ever been to me. I was in a dangerous-ish state but something about it was cool. I always feel a weird sense of comfort when I’m ill. There’s been times I’ve even considered going as far as cutting off one of my fingers or breaking a bone just to go to the hospital, but obviously only the truly insane could do that. I remember drawing bruises on myself as young as 7.

I love the feeling of being in bed feeling tired as hell with a slightly stuffy nose, a cough, and a slight fever. Of course these symptoms are kinda annoying but they are also comforting. I love when a nurse is examining me/taking my blood and being gentle. I’m sure some of them are just being polite to be professional but I’m painfully socially naive so I never notice if they’re being fake. Hospital beds are comfy.

I am not saying I think other ill people feel this way this is just how I personally feel. I love hospitals. They’re the only places I feel cared for. At some points I’ve taken intentional higher doses of my medication than necessary just to get the dilated pupils, shakiness, racing heart, and a kind of high feeling (never been actually high so I’m just guessing it feels like the evil version of a weed high). I’m not suicidal even though I used to think I was. I thought I was intentionally getting ill because I was depressed and suicidal. But it was actually just because I feel comforted by being ill. So I guess to some people reading this they’re probably thinking I’m suicidal but I’m not. I always make sure my higher doses won’t ACTUALLY harm me. Anyways maybe I just like attention. But sometimes I do this alone.