The Dissociative Experience

Author: Alltid

I guess you’d call them “Intrusions” if you’re not in the exact moment/s it happened. Full-on flashbacks are pretty rare, more common in people with “simple”-PTSD.

For me, just strange body sensations I cannot explain, coming with feelings like fear, disgust, confusion, complete numbness, deep grief.

I freeze, I cramp up, twitch. They call those dissociative seizures. I can suffer from one of those while standing up without even falling.

Sometimes I can’t feel my legs while walking, that’s fine, at least I can still walk. Like right now I’m in bed and I can’t feel my lower feet, but the muscles are twitching a bit.

I also get really fuzzy about memories and mix up dissociative seizures. They happen more often when it’s dark, and they feel a lot shortee than they last.

But a stramge development happened—dual awareness. I-ll be seizing on the floor unable to control my body but hear in details everything that’s going on around me. A couple of months ago it used to be very distant. I think this is progress.

But they’re still pretty heavy when the spasms are hard and if it takes a long time for me to come back. I don’t see anything, I’m just not there physically. I can hear, I can kind of see, but I’m not really in control, until I am.

You don’t know what you don’t know.