The Attendants Lunch

Author: Tasty

Bob and Mary had got the contract for the whole department store so made a reasonable income but Bob always liked to make a saving when he could. They were in charge of the first eight floors and the offices above were privately run.
The ground was odd and sods,
1st Womens Fashions,
2nd Childrens,
3rd Boys and Belts,
4th Mens,
5th and 6th Restaurants.
The restaurant floors and ground had the largest loos but each floor had a mens and a womens convenience. The shops opened at 10.00 so Bob and Mary would arrive at 09.00 check everything was clean and stocked and then work the rounds keeping it that way until the afternoon – evening shift arrived and they could do all the managerial stuff. Being happily married for a long time it was nice to work together.

Now the average human dump is neither tasty or nutritious but over the years both of them had observed how intake could vastly improve output. Mary who was on a forever-diet stuck to liquids during the day but Bob likes a hearty lunch and when it came for free all the better. They knew the restaurants turnaround and monthly variations however Bob liked his routines and mostly stuck to his standard diet. Maybe Christmas, Halloween, Easter and other festivals he would indulge in something special but he was content with his weekly menu of delights.

On Monday the Indian on the 6th floor would provide a discounted early brunch to use up what was leftover from the weekend. Mountains of hot and spicy meat with the sauces soaked up with eat as much as you like naans. As such the customers would mostly only make it down to the mens floor before they needed to relieve themselves. Bob would check out which cubicle his preferred candidate chose and made sure his flush was diverted away from the main waste. It was relatively simple to do. He then took that separated flush and chowed down himself. Still spicy and full of meaty undigested chunks.

On Tuesday his lunch came from the French restaurant L’Arrogance. They too did a Monday special but its journey was slower and it was on Tuesday that returning customers to the department store would be providing a garlicky plop plop du jour for Bob. Bob and Mary were very accustomed to spot regulars and for some unexplained reason they would choose the boys and belts floor facilities to deliver the fruits de derrière.

After two manly days Bob always liked to indulge his sweet tooth and Mary spent most of her Wednesday mornings on the ground floor. It had a selection of high sugar take-aways. Doughnuts, Ice-Cream, Milk-Shakes and Crepe vendors all dishing out treats. The womens loos were by far the best place to catch something delicious and she would serve Bob his treat either as a hefty caked pudding or a bunch of petits fours.

Now on a Tuesday there was a big fish market in park offering bargain prices and very fresh produce and this was probably the most difficult for Bob and Mary to spot whose delivery to divert. They would arrive en masse, Thursday for the ladies bargain day. The poor old husbands following their wives around bored but ultimately very used to the situation. They would peel off with something to read and being constantly constipated would sit urging out a stiff salty afternoon snack for Bob.

Friday was the kids floor meal for Bob. Although many parents were lazy and fed their children junk there was a small group of very health conscious mums. The children would be fed on salad, berries and fruit juice. Even though fruit juice is massively loaded with sugar for them it was the healthy option. The best juice for Bob was pure grape and the worst grapefruit. Mary would spy into the bags and sniff the air to gauge which would hand over the gold. With a healthy diet and grape juice Bobs lunch would be a soft and nutty affair.

Then the weekend which they either did the Saturday or Sunday and employed some young students to help out because the restaurant floors were particularly hard going to remain in a clean state and the ground floor took constant monitoring. As such grabbing a good lunch was never really an option and Bob reverted to corned beef sandwiches and a snickers bar.