Susie And Dopamine

Author: Cassandra

Today I’m going to talk about Susie and her constant obsessive chase of dopamine.

It wasn’t something I noticed clearly at first. Even though Susie is constantly self-diagnosing herself and analyzing herself, somehow she never really stopped to think about this particular pattern.

I think Susie has been a dopamine seeker since childhood, and honestly, I think that’s one of her biggest fucked up weaknesses.

She almost always puts herself in situations where “something” could happen.

She gets bullied. She gets mocked. She gets hacked. She gets shut up. She annoys people. She messes with people. She gets herself into fights. She talks to new interesting (; people.

And sometimes she goes way beyond that. Way more then she should if she cared a bit more .

She joins questionable communities and starts interacting with all kinds of people where you genuinely never know what they could pull like genuinely hahahah. Sometimes she’ll even jokingly give people information about herself, like she’s challenging them to fuck with it.

And she knows it’s bad ,[no actuelly it almost fucked her dad’s job at some point lmao but i guess she doesn’tgive an actuel fuck about it . (Sowwy daddy)]

She has already faced some pretty severe consequences because of this shit in the past.

Yet somehow, Susie never seems to learn her lesson.

It reminds me of Meow when she mentioned that she likes going outside at night and taking the risk of whatever could happen to her, yet she keeps doing it anyway.

Susie understands that completely.

There’s something weirdly calming about putting yourself somewhere dangerous and just seeing what happens. (Imagine if i really got kidnapped one day lmao? That would be fun , after all susie asked a ridiculous amount of strangers to do it in the past.)

And that’s the fucked-up part.

Sometimes Susie doesn’t even look for the consequences. She doesn’t try to minimize the harm she could cause herself just because she wants to have fun.

She loves the quote “Stay toxic.” Which sounds childish but it’s a real deal .

Honestly, it almost sounds like something she would put on a fucking T-shirt.

Susie somehow always ends up in abusive relationships. And it’s almost like she’s meant to be in them.

Not because she hates them.

No.

She actually likes the chaos because it gives her a reason to act out, react, experiment, and have fun in her own bizarre way.

C’est comme si Susie est folle, et comme si elle voit le monde comme une chambre d’expérience illimitée.

Everything becomes an experiment.

People become experiments.

Situations become experiments.

Risk becomes an experiment.

My lovely admin could become an experiment. (Heheheh)

Sometimes even Susie herself becomes an experiment.

But she does have limits.

At least, she thinks she does.

She tries not to take things too far to the point where they could permanently ruin her life. She wouldn’t want to lose a limb because of one of her experiments. She doesn’t want to die.

She likes playing with the edge.

She doesn’t necessarily want the edge or herself to win. She wants shit to unfold to fuck or get fucked .

And then there’s therapy.

Susie doesn’t only go to therapy to discover things about herself (undirectement).

Sometimes she goes there and starts playing psychological games with the therapist herself, deliberately complicating things for her and seeing what she can get out of the interaction.

And then she wonders:

Why the fuck would someone spend money on therapy just to go and mess with the therapist?

But that’s Susie.

For her, therapy can become another experiment.

Another psychological game.

She even blackmailed her therapist once.

And she loved it.

She just does.

She loves experimenting.

Sometimes I genuinely think Susie is weird.

But maybe that’s also why I think this bitch could become a good researcher.