Author: Stoner
The thought of throwing up to me is insanely enticing. I love feeling like the life is being drained out of me. I want to throw up all my guts onto the floor. I throw up often, usually “greening out” but sometimes seemingly randomly. I’m embarrassed when I green around people, but I can’t get enough of the thrill.
It feels like I’m dispelling all the fucked up shit inside me. I love how it makes me cry like a bitch. It reminds me of cutting myself, a way I can hurt myself without being judged. Even though I could and just never tell anyone, no one ever has to know. I hate that I open my mouth about everything. The only person stopping me from getting away with it is myself. I’m a fucking moron. I want to throw up my tongue and cough my throat out so I can stop talking so much.
When I’m sober I always think about greening out again. Most of the time I can’t push myself enough to do it intentionally. But I got insanely high last night in an attempt to green out again. I think about trying to force myself to vomit in the bathroom everywhere I go just so I can get away with it. It feels like a movie to me. Kneeling down, heaving all my guts onto the floor. I wanna puke till I’m hollow. I wanna feel the world spinning.
Had to look up:
“Greening out” (or feeling green) is slang for consuming too much cannabis/THC for your body to handle—essentially a temporary cannabis overdose.
As I have attacts of Ménière’s meaning I need to lie down quietly or become nautious and vomit I would say its fucking horrible. Plus in my confused state its difficult to communicate. I basically made up a card for people to read telling them not to call and ambulance and they always fucking do. 30 minutes later I am perfectly fine much like anyone who pukes because of overdooing it.
Defintely not enticed to recreate the feelings.
Puking is so anxiety inducing