Nightmares Of Childhood

Author: Cassandra

Two weird dreams I had since I was four, and from time to time, I would remember them. At that time, they were nightmares, and at some point in my childhood, I got used to them. Though I don’t know why I was always thinking—I mean, dreaming—about these two specific nightmares, and I don’t know why I even still remember them.

Anyways, the first one is the weirdest.

Before changing countries as a kid, when I was around four to five years old, I remember this specific dream repeating itself. The dream was that snow would fill up the house, and everyone would get stuck and suffocate. Snow would get into their mouths, ears, noses, and everything, and no one would be able to breathe. EVERYONE was going to drown in their own rooms while sleeping.

And mind you, the place where we used to live cannot have snow, even as a miracle. It cannot(REALLY) have snow reaching that place. And that was scary. I wouldn’t even want to sleep at some point.

In this dream, I would be the only survivor, somehow reaching the door and opening it—the door of the apartment—and then I would crumble in front of the door and just watch my family dying.

And of course, I didn’t care about my mother, but only about my father. And of course, I loved the idea that my brother was dying because he was so annoying at the time.

The second one was: in the dream, I would be watching, sitting on a chair, as Dad was getting beheaded. You’d be like, why would a kid dream of their dad getting beheaded, their mother screaming, and somehow their brothers also being dead?

I remember that at the time, I would wish she was in his place, getting beheaded instead of him, leaving me with her.

And this nightmare too was about my family dying.

By the way, remember that the whole gore scene was created in my mind. I don’t even believe I watched anything related to blood and shit like that when I was a kid. I don’t even know how my memory or my brain made up that dream, and how I still remember it.

I wouldn’t wake up from these dreams , but I would wake up in the morning remembering them for quite some time.

And one more striking thing about both dreams: after my dad would die, I would basically be like, okay, I can’t change that. What is the solution? What should I do about food and home and everything? Where am I going to live? Who’s going to take care of me?

I wasn’t literally looking for a home, but I was always thinking about what comes next and what I’m supposed to do now that this has happened.

Also, in the last dream, my dad’s body was hung up in front of everyone who could watch in the scene. I remember that I was crying in the dream. Actually, in both dreams, I would be crying, but watching. Always watching.

I don’t know why I wouldn’t reach out to help or try to stop something from happening. I would just be there, watching.

And now that I’ve actually said all of this out loud, I think I understand why i had those dreams.