Making Films with Men Around

Author: Dead at 17

The full title was supposed to be “Making Weird Films with Perverted Men Around as a Girl” but it was too long.

I would like to start with saying that being perverted is okay as long as you don’t reflect it into real life. The thing is that there are a lot of perverted people in society but while some of them can understand what parts of their perversion are acceptable or not, unfortunately most of them can’t. Not being able to control how you feel or think is a big and very normal part of being human. And it’s only okay to feel or think a certain way because you know you can’t control it. And of course you must be acknowledging it if something you can’t control about yourself is morally and ethically wrong. As long as it is that way (so it is not effectin anything) it’s okay. It’s normal. But if it is not that way… those are the monsters we have in society. You see, the most important difference between humans and other inhumane creatures is that we don’t just have urges and natural instincts that we act upon. We have the ability to decide whether or not those urges are alright to be having.

To clarify with an extreme example: Let’s say over time, you start to notice that the idea of forcing yourself on someone is arousing you and you sometimes find yourself fantasicizing about it. The feelings and thoughts themselves don’t mean that you are a bad person. You don’t choose what turns you on, unfrotunately. But not being able to control it doesn’t justify it. If you are aware of the fact that feeling this way is absolutely horrific, disgusting and wrong and if you would never ever act on it no matter what, then you’re good. It’s fine. Only actually doing something about it (minor or not) would make you a disgusting pig.

I felt the need to write all that beforehand to make a better understanding of why it’s okay to be perverted for some people while it’s not for others. Because the title has the words “Perverted Men” in it and I didn’t want any confusions about what I mean by that. I mean the bad ones.

So I would like to call myself a filmmaker as a film major who is creating scripts for future works right now even though I don’t have anything complete yet. And I have a wide range of stuff that I like to focus on. Some of the big parts of the stuff I like are obviously weird stuff. And by weird you could take anything strange and extreme overall, including things like snuff and gore.

This is where those pervert men become an issue. Especially because I suffer from OCD, I care about these parts on an obsessive level that effects my daily mental health to a point where I have to hit my head really hard to get rid of those thoughts. Most of the time doesn’t work.

I know who else is into what I am. Some people in my community are just harmless people who enjoy experimenting with uncomfortable sides of humanity, human body and human psychology in an artistic way. But I also know that there ARE hundreds of gross wastes of oxygen who would do the stuff I like to do in my films in real life if they had the chance. And I absolutely don’t want them to have access to what I do. Just the idea of them consuming my content makes me feel less confident in making them. But unfortunately I cannot choose who will be watching it and who will not if I’m publishing them. Especially if I want them to be big.

It’s not just films either. I write too. I write a lot of stuff. And I’m considering publishing some of them on AO3. Hopefully those pieces of shit wouldn’t read them.

The main moral of this text is how just the mere concept of perverted men can ruin one’s peace. And how much me and my creativity are tired of this. And I also wanted to write something that others who feel the same way could find relatable. If so, it’d make me happy.

Thanks for reading.