Author: Mimas
I didn’t get my first crush or like anyone (like that) until I was about 17ish, so a bit later than most. However, I still felt that I needed to find a boyfriend and complete normal teenager milestones or whatever because other people would look down on me. So I dated like two boys who asked me out and weren’t ugly, did shit like have my first kiss and went on dates blah blah blah but I just felt numb kind of. I wasn’t really into it, I just felt like I had to be. It was more of a getting it over with so I didn’t have to worry about it thing.
It was also about proving I could do it to other people. When you have a partner it basically says “someone loves you enough to commit to you and no one else”, it implies you have some sort of value.
Also knowing the social cues for dating so I’d be able to recognise them and implement them when I wanted to.
I don’t think I’m one of those people who gets to do these normal human being social milestones in a nice relaxing “they just happen” way. It’s just not in the cards for me.
The thing is if whilst I can’t force finding people attractive as easily as common people do, I can’t afford not to engage in dating or practises because if I simply abstain from them it influences how people view me. Like there have been a couple times where people have assumed I’m a lesbian.
Also because it solves boredom. You know how many couples activities there are? Plus its a huge conversation topic with friends because for some reason this is the most common drama people are interested in.
I guess love is more of a personal than collaborative thing to me.
I don’t feel like this post is that cohesive and I’m sorry for that, I’ve just been super tired this week.
Society and its pressure fucks us all in many different ways but the reality is you should do what feels best for you. It could easily be you just are not amongst people who you can fall in love with or have a decent shag with.
Plenty of people would give me shit and say I don`t love my wife because I was a dirty stop-out but to me love and sexual fun are seperate. It is just sex can be all the better if you are actually in love with someone.
It is also fine to keep making mistakes rather than hiding away and never trying. I have made some disasterous decisions through the years but thats life.
Omgg it’s okay to feel that way, personally if they don’t add a value to me, I ain’t dating them yk? I can fuck whoever i want and go with it without needing a relationship lol.
But at some point i think i really liked a high value item and wish to have them but in my only situationship i failed horribly because i m an overwhelmingly logical, rational , and an annoying bitch lol.
Other then that mimas it s completely normal to have someone for the advantage of blending in and having some not too boring life!