Author: Dumbass
I have BPD and plenty of other issues and thinking of doing something really stupid. For context I have a lot of problems when it comes to feeling alone or needing attention so I usually compulsively lie or do stupid things to feel content again and the thing I’m planning is exactly that. I have someone in my life I love dearly and has become my attachment (fp) but sadly it seems like I have attached myself to them like some sort of leech in a way I haven’t felt before when it comes to idolising someone.. anything that gets their approval is what makes me happy. They haven’t been paying attention to me recently and thinking of other people besides me so I’m planning the following things today.
-Go to a field packed with alcohol
-Bringing a sharp knife
-Bringing my phone
I am planning to go to a field and cut up my arm then sending a picture to them with my cup up arm holding a booze can. They already know my life is messed up so I think in a way it’s a manipulative tactic to make them feel more sorry for me thus giving me there attention. It’s not very good at all I know since it is a form of manipulation but sometimes I feel like I can’t help it. If there’s anyone else here with BPD who does and thinks the same let me know because it sure also is very scary to know I can be this much of a fuckup. I do feel guilty doing this but I just want them to love me it’s all I want to feel..
these feelsorryforme stunts are always a fucking idiotic way of getting attention. i never can understand people who do this crap. do you think it’s not immediately obvious to the individual on the receiving end what you are doing. and in reality it’s not about their attention at all
There’s ALOT to unpack there so I’ll just say this: Replace the booze with some high quality weed and/or weed infused edibles and you may not be so prone to slash yourself.
Hope you feel better.
I don’t think it’s about guilt really but if u really think it over , it’s a pathetic cheap way of actually catching attention .
What i mean by cheap is that it does not last just like every other cheap thing u buy and end up throwing it in some weeks .
So be prepared to be discarded once the emotional load ur giving to the other person starts feeling unbearable or just over the dose they would accept mentally.
When u say leech I instantly think of lab germ on tiktok HAHHAHA