Author: Parental
I never really had parental instincts. I dreaded turning 30 because that’s the age people start side eyeing you for children and pregnancy. I’ve always loved my husband but I hated marriage because just like turning 30, marriage makes people start expecting you to have children.
Thankfully for the first few years of my 30s, I wasn’t nagged too much for children. Becoming a parent has ruined me mentally, financially and physically, and has completely derailed my career.
I always knew from a young age that I didn’t want kids, I didn’t want to be a mum. If you’re not completely healed of your childhood trauma, you will absolutely repeat them in some way. I feel like the older (conservative) generation of women were such pick me’s, their jealousy told us to have kids knowing full well how horrible it is. This is the region I grew up so I can only speak for that. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I’m an empty nester but I get reminded daily how I fucked up. So while I have a little bit of money and freedom for the first time in my life, I can’t enjoy it because my heart is forever broken. I don’t even know the point of living anymore. Every day I have just dreamed I wasn’t a parent.
I know it’s my fauly and I’ve only become what I’ve always hated. I always used to dislike parents who had children before healing from their own trauma, now here I am. It’s fucking hell. I hate all of it. I’m surviving purely off my shitty antidepressants. My husband never even wants to have fucking sex with me because we’re both too busy but I’m the one constantly with the kids. Fuck my life.
I believe anyone who has kids nowadays is very likely dumb and naive. The world is clearly in a shitty state and will only get worse. Why would you wanna have a kid knowing they’re gonna be forced to go to some shitty job? It’s only kinda understandable if you’re mentally stable, rich-ish, and have lots of support. But let’s be real none of you fuck-ass bitches have that yet still decide to have 5 kids, and then act surprised when you feel burnt out.
Yup my mother had unresolved childhood trauma and I ended up with tons of mental issues and decided I’ll never have kids due to the “cycle” continuing. I’ve never had a maternal bone in my body anyway, probably from not experiencing a maternal figure myself. I can’t imagine how stressful it is to be in your situation sending a lot of love girlie pops. Whatever you do though do not turn to anything involving suicide.