I Don’t Feel Like Myself

Author: nok

(Dont read if u dont have patience) I remember when I was a kid, seeing my brother shoot up on the stairs, my mother nodding off from the amount of benoz she took

Just for her pain she would always say
I remember when I was a kid, in and out of foster care, grouphomes and battling with an addiction to meth

I am past that part in my life so why don’t I feel whole? Sometimes I swear I can see right through myself, what’s going to happen like Deja Vu except its permanently stuck in my mind and body.

I find myself zoning out.
I slur my words alot but I’d like to think I’m smart
I know things that I don’t even know how I know them

I feel lonely in my head.
I don’t feel like myself sometimes.
I feel like I’m a version of myself who doesn’t understand what the version of my old self would even be if that makes sense

I find myself really blaming my mother and I try to hate her but I just can’t
I feel selfish sometimes, because I wish my mother was normal and not an addict
I wish she was there for me like I am for her
I feel like giving up on myself and the career I want and my art and music I really don’t feel like going sometimes.

I know I’ll get some troll comments under here, so please troll away it’ll make me giggle. Thank you for reading.