Author: Theorist
Hey everyone, so today I’m going to be assuming what the EUM ‘commoners’, are like IRL. I found this site looking for a movie and noticed some of the arguments. And I admit I’m lowkey jobless, so I have the time to do this. Enjoy. I made this whilst high so yeah.
1. Let’s start with Old Mother Hubbard (OMH). So first of all, he’s supposedly a man. And based on his comments, his age could be around 33-50. I don’t know what a married man that age would be doing on a site like this all day everyday for YEARS, but I really don’t think he’s under 25, despite him acting immature at times. What I imagine of him is a married man that leeches off his wife to spend his time in his room… on here. I also do think he’s kinda gay, not in an insulting way, in a genuine way. You can’t tell me his beef with Cole isn’t gay as hell.
2. Cole. First, he’s a guy. His age is quite difficult to assume. He definitely acts kinda immature at times, but his writing style overall is mature and pretty good. So he seems under 26, but his arguments with OMH actually make me think he’s older. Maybe 22-34? I think the guy has a normal-ish life but like most of us, a lot of free time. He claims he has a girlfriend, and acts like it’s a flex, which ironically makes it more believable. He’s also somewhat an edge lord at times which is another reason I can’t decide if he’s under 27 or not. Anyway, I feel like IRL he’s more ‘normal’ than OMH but probably still considered odd. He’s spent way too much time on here for years to actually be your average Joe IRL.
3. The OG Steve. I have actually been on here since OG Steve, believe it or not. So my memory is a bit poor as it’s been many years and I’ve literally never been one to comment or get involved with all this until now, I have a pretty rough assumption of the OG Steve. He was probably 19-26 and just an edge lord that wanted attention. I wasn’t on too much so I don’t know how far the whole controversy actually went, but to me he always just seemed like an edge lord wanting attention. And if you’re wondering what I mean by ‘OG’, I mean before multiple people started using the alias.
4. Zed Man. This guy is almost certainly above 30. That’s not a compliment, though. I actually do somewhat believe the whole ‘cop’ thing, and it’s kinda hilarious/scary to think such people could be cops. I don’t have much to say about him, as most of what I’ve seen of him, he can be an asshole at times, but for the most part he keeps to himself, and he hasn’t been active recently.
5. Meow. There’s been lots of people who’ve called her a tranny. It’s possible, but I don’t know what man at birth is making a whole perfume list. Plus, we’ve never really had a female celebrity on here as far as I’m aware (I think there was one but she’s pretty inactive now). Meow to me seems a bit like OG Steve. An attention-whore edge lord with far too much free time. She’s been asked if she works before and I think she made up some odd story about an office, but I couldn’t bother reading all of it. IMO she could be 19-29 based on her writing style. I don’t know if she’s single or not. I’ve noticed a pattern where she constantly reminds others how ‘kind’ she is, and how obsessed others are with her. IRL I think she may be a little less normal than the others. Likely unemployed with too much free time and just obsessed with attention.
That’s it. I would do others, such as Fred Fat, but I don’t know enough about him to do a guess. Anyways, thanks for reading.
Remember when zedman was hitting on Matisse like he does with every female presenting guy on here? hahaha what a douche
“IRL I think she may be a little less normal than the others. Likely unemployed with too much free time and just obsessed with attention.”
I was agreeing with this until that part. Fuck you.
This list sounds pretty accurate, honestly.
The OG Steve had two mates who would pile on people who got upset. I always thought they were all Australian Bondi-Beach Party-vanners. Not that I can remember their names but they were very much normal white-van man names.
Gave this 4 stars because:
Old mfer is a jackass. Agreed there. Closeted gay. Probably wears eyeliner when wife’s away working for his lazy ass. Age 50-60+.
You got some about me right. I actually do have a gf but it’s not something I fuss about. Had only one steady gf before this one. I’ve always been more comfortable keepin to myself or stickin with a small group. She’s pretty though. My age? None ya damn business.
Steve – funny sometimes, , though at this point I honestly can’t tell whether it’s really him or one of the fifty weird copycat accounts floatin around.
Zed Man -absolute cringe machine anytime there’s a woman involved in the conversation.
Meow – thought it was just some lonely dude for the longest time, but the feminine vibes are all over the place which makes me think tranny haha
Deducted one point because there’s a hole in your plotline:
“I found this site looking for a movie and noticed some of the arguments.”
“I have actually been on here since OG Steve, believe it or not.”
These two statements kinda trip over each other, which tells me there’s probably some bullshit tucked in there somewhere. But honestly, on this site that barely even counts as a crime, so I only knocked off one point for it.
“We’ve never really had a female celebrity on here as far as I’m aware (I think there was one but she’s pretty inactive now).”
You must be referring to Matisse Famke or as some people called her, “the mattress”, “french whore”, “turd in the punchbowl”, ect. If you are, she’s been long gone on this site. Practically a relic now. She was quite a celebrity on here back in the day, where she kept digging into the thesaurus as if her whole life depended on it, and often wrote long, disjointed, incoherent comments riddled with sophisticated words hardly anyone ever knew existed to begin with. A few people rallied and goofed on her pretty hard until she sprouted other usernames and fought back (or at least tried to), even changed her avatar showing a real person, but in the end she receded into the shadows, never to be seen again. Some people speculated she was just a big troll because there were rare occurrences where she actually wrote normal comments that didn’t need to be deciphered without causing a migraine.