Cassandra One Day I’ll Kill U

Author: Susie hear this out

Today I’m gonna write about some experiments that I did to myself.

The first one was to see how much I could hit my leg before something actually happened. I tried, and honestly it was kind of funny. Unfortunately, my leg became blue, but nothing really happened beyond that. It was so boring. I was expecting something more interesting, but nope. Just a blue leg.

Then I watched a cool movie. I’m not gonna say what it was, but there was some kind of scene involving people being tied up, and I started wondering: is this actually realistic, or is it just movie drama?

So obviously, I decided to test it on myself.

I wanted to see whether it was actually possible to get out of plastic wrap. Because logically, I was thinking, when you wrap plastic around your hand, you’re still supposed to be able to open your hand, right? And if you open your hand, the plastic should just tear and you should be free.

Hell no.

I was genuinely surprised. Four or five layers of something as stupid as sandwich plastic were enough to make getting free way harder than I expected. Nothing was working until my own mouth and my teeth basically became part of the experiment.

And believe me, if you were actually gagged, you would have a much bigger problem.

I kept trying and trying until my hand became red. I was literally struggling like some small animal trapped somewhere, and at some point I was just like, okay, this is actually ridiculous.

But it was also a pretty good discovery. If I were ever kidnapped or something and actually restrained, I don’t think blindly struggling as hard as possible would necessarily help. It might just make me tired, hurt myself, and get absolutely nowhere.

Then there was another experiment, from around seven years ago.

I wanted to know what it would be like to be raped, and because in my head being raped involved being tied in certain positions, I tried to recreate that part too.

I tied myself up once and couldn’t get out.

And then I fell asleep.

I woke up in a completely ridiculous position, tied with a rope and almost naked, and somehow the ropes had become loose while I was sleeping. I don’t even know how. My parents were outside telling me to get ready, and thankfully they didn’t come into the room.

So I basically woke up, realized what the fuck had happened, got myself out as quickly as possible, and pretended that absolutely nothing had happened.

That was genuinely a lucky day.

After that, I never completely tied myself up again, with or without someone else helping me. I’m not gonna talk about the details. Haha.

And then there were the experiments with cutting.

I always had this question in my head: why? Why do people who are trying to kill themselves cut their arms or whatever? What exactly makes someone do that?

So I tried to understand it by experimenting on myself.

For some reason, I found myself unable to do much to my leg. I don’t know why. My leg was just more sensitive to me somehow. My arm was different. It barely hurt.

And I think the reason it barely hurt was actually pretty simple: I couldn’t go very deep.

I tried. Several times.

I tried manipulating myself, which sounds stupid because how the fuck do you manipulate yourself? But believe me, sometimes it works. You can convince yourself of things. I tried pushing myself to my limits. I tried doing it really quickly so I wouldn’t have enough time to think about what I was doing.

But there was still some kind of limit that I just couldn’t get past.

It was almost like I couldn’t actually torture myself, even when I was trying to make myself do it.

One time, though, it went much further than the others, and there was a lot of blood. And honestly, after that it stopped being an interesting experiment and became a fucking pain in the ass.

It kept reopening, and I think it probably needed stitches, but I never got stitches. Eventually it healed, but it took a considerable amount of time.

And then there was the annoying part where I couldn’t wear short sleeves without thinking about it. Thankfully it was winter, but even then I was used to wearing short things, so it was still annoying.

So yeah.

There were other experiments too, but most of them were boring and not really worth talking about.

I guess the funny thing about all of this is that I kept expecting myself to discover some huge truth about humans or pain or whatever.

And sometimes the discovery was literally just:

Oh.

That actually doesn’t work the way I thought it did.

Haha.