Author: Susie
I think the hardest thing to deal with is disappointment ..not from other people, but from yourself. It’s when you expect yourself to be capable of achieving something, so you work and work hard for it, but in the end, you don’t get it. And it’s like you’re tied up and thrown off a cliff.
It’s kinda weird to describe, but when you strive for something, give it your all, make mistakes, and miss your chance, it’s really, really hard to take the blow and try again, especially when that shit has already taken years off your life.
This blow shattered my ego and my pride and, sadly, my “self-confidence”, to the point where I started taking life as a joke. I became what I used to mock: a useless whore who lies around with men, uses people and discards them, and exists just to create problems for herself and others.
Though, randomly, yesterday, I found myself asking:
If I try again, can I take a second blow?
i think its inevitable that tragedy becomes farce and you recognize one day u became what u used to mock. deflate your ego. its bound to happen over and over. better to be a subject of your own ridicule than to be comfy on ur high horse condescending to upturn your nose. but yeah, the shame and guilt of being disappointed in yourself is probably some of the worst shit. its always impossible to get really simple facts to sink in, like, how its not entirely on you. unless it is, i guess. but 9.9/10x there are circumstances. after failing with something i devoted myself to like you describe i could not try again. twice when attempting second tries i just couldn’t take the grief and self loathing of being every day reminded of everything i could have done differently at every step of the way and it was almost the end of me. come to think of it, i wasted a lot of time basically putting myself through psychological thumbscrews and getting nothing done what keeps me going through the years is anger. if something blows up in my face, which is not infrequent, its usually my fault and i despise myself for it, but equally i dont give a shit because the world is so fucking generic and insufferable and not god knows it has rubbed off on me. so whatever. try to seek after whatevers interesting and feel confident remembering ur smarter than most people (definitely ditch… Read more »
Everyone,
I might want to focus a bit on me for some time and disappear a bit.
Keep fucking shit.
And admin keep the charm of this place slp ! Always greatful for ur efforts!
Think I can relate Cass. Strongly relate. Bitter disappointment in one’s self, especially after years of dedication to something that falls apart right in front of you, is incredibly difficult to accept and even harder to move on from. To have the desire even, just to try again. I’ve made mistakes that cost me everything. Disappointed in myself doesn’t even scratch the surface. More like loathing self hatred. And moments where I nearly threw in the towel. And as someone who’s hit rock bottom many times in her life, only to have no choices left but to scrape herself off the floor, shower, punch a wall or someone’s face (I don’t recommend this), smoke a whole pack of cigs, reevaluate her life and priorities, then slowly and with much effort, and varying results, attempt to put her life back together, I can unequivocally tell you the following: Yes. You can survive another blow. But more importantly you can survive another attempt at putting your life where you want it. To get up and fight, fight hard to be who you want to be instead of someone you don’t recognize. Yes it really is possible to try again. Even if you fail. But to do so, above all other things, you have to really want it and not give up till you have it. And in the end, there really isn’t any other choice but the alternative…which rhymes with “get busy dying”. And I’m not saying that’s even where your head… Read more »
Nobody is allowed to be horny kill all people who feel tingles in their private parts it goes against everything Jesus said DIE DIE DIE ALL HORNY PEOPLE DIE DIE DIE
Meow is gonna be fucked soon think he went from parole to death row on here.. can we televise her execution pls admin 🙌
Admin when you gonna allow my posts? I’m very sorry I upset you and I understand I was being an immature little jerkoff. I’m deeply sorry and I understand why you’re so upset. I’m so sorry you feel that way. Will you forgive me, Admin? Thanks.
I’m sorry, ok? I swear. I am actually super kind and nice.👌
Is Meow a little jerk off? Or a jerk off little asshole?
There was something different about Fortnite back then… something you can’t really explain unless you lived it.
It wasn’t just a game. It was logging in after school, hearing that old lobby music, and knowing your friends were already waiting. No stress, no competition—just laughs, dumb plays, and moments that felt like they’d last forever.
Remember landing at Tilted Towers when it actually felt scary? When every chest mattered, every win felt impossible, and building a simple 1×1 made you feel like a pro? Back when skins like the default ones actually meant something, because everyone was just starting… just learning… just having fun.
It was staying up too late saying “one more game” even though you knew you had school tomorrow. It was those random squads where strangers became teammates for hours. It was the excitement of your first win—the shaking hands, the yelling, the feeling like you just did something huge.
Now everything feels faster… harder… different. The map changed, the players changed, even we changed.
But those memories? They stayed the same.
And sometimes… you log back in, hear a familiar sound, and for a second… just one second… it feels like you’re back there again.
My overly socialist teachers at secondary school would constantly tell me I was worthless and would live a shitty life on the dole. That did not happen and my main aim in life to retire early came even earlier than I planned.
A lot of that luck came from subconcious (unconcious) decisions nudging me in the right direction. That might be what you are missing.
Making everything a concious effort and not allowing for your brain to guide you silently leads people astray. Set yourself a goal and then just get on with life.
You can always start over. I know it gets harder each time, you might have ended up in a terrible state, unfortunately nothing comes easy. I know my words aren’t meant to be encouraging, I’ve been through something similar, let’s just say I’m halfway there right now.