Am I An Idiot?

Author: Retardedfool15yr

Too Personal

So basically I’ve been crushing on this boy for a while, he is older than me by 3 years, and on the last few days of school, I finally had courage to text him on our Gmail, and yes he did respond, I was trying to become friends with him but each time I would try to talk to him he would always reply late, I would be getting jealous, he wouldn’t be replying to me but he would be online, and on his story he posted a picture of him eating panda express with another girl, then a little fast forward I did try texting him, and he finally asked me the question if I liked him, I was trying to avoid the question, but then I said yes, after that we didn’t talk that much, I also unfollowed him, maybe that would be better for me, but it really wasn’t.

A month later (July), I texted him again, I was missing him so much but I didn’t tell him that, I just recommended him a song, and he just didn’t care, then when I told him to not be a gold digger as a joke because I started working at the time, that’s when we really started to flirt, and saying like some weird things to eachother, I also would always tell him when can we see each other, because I really want to see him, and he would always say in the morning, but I’d be working in the morning, so I did miss some work days.

When I went to go see him- When we finally saw each other, I was just really scared, trying to hide myself away from him, but then I finally had the courage to go to him, I was a little surprised when he did want to kiss, I have never kissed before, so I was hesitating, then I gave in, but I wasn’t really kissing, it was mostly him doing the work, I felt his tongue on my lips, then he grabbed my butt cheeks, I was also surprised about that because he hadn’t even asked me to be his girlfriend yet, but I didnt care much, and he did apologize to me incase i didnt like where he was touching me, then the next time we met, that’s when things got really weird, we were kissing and I guess this time I did have confidence, we were really kissing, he started to slowly hump against me, so I did too, then he asked if I wanted to see it, so the fool I am, said okay, then I saw it, he said you can suck it, so I did, so I am really at fault. He then later apologized, and told me I shouldn’t do things like that only until im older and that he feels bad. That made me like him more even when he said he didn’t want me to get hurt, and kissed my forehead and asked if I wanted icecream.

But now I just feel really insecure and jealous :/ since he has some friends girls that are pretty, but I never really told him, he like maybe has some 2 close friends girls, he likes all their posts, and yea one of them was the one who went to go eat panda express with him. He also just always responds to my texts late, like really late 5 hours, and it doesn’t feel like he wants to get to know me more, and maybe he just thought I was easy, and today i finally got the courage to block him.

Please tell me what you think.