C-Fear Itself

Author: Cassandra

Surprisingly, I became unable to answer the question anymore. Now I fucking need to get creative and manipulative towards Cassandra so that she speaks up for herself. Let me ask her what kind of people she hates.
I hate boring people with boring lives and repetitive routines, people with normal jobs and boring family bonds with their partners, living under the roof of happiness and fulfilment. I just hate it.
I also hate people who are average. Average in everything. These people tend to have no ambition whatsoever. They don’t even have the will to do better as long as “they earn a living, pass their classes, have food in the fridge, and maintain the bare minimum of social contact with the outside world.” EW. I’d rather die by suicide than live like that.
I also hate people who don’t thrive on adventure. They think risking your life for discoveries is worthless and stupid. These people annoy me.
Imagine living a pitiful life alone. EW as well. I’d rather be part of a gang and die at their hands than live and die alone in a boring-looking home and a boring-looking life.
Something that also scares me is the inability to become independent. Without getting into details, I would fucking love to go to jail and be abandoned rather than be trapped with them.
Imagine if I became fifty and ended up crippled or disablled. If that meant someone would have to take care of me? Nah. I’m dying.
In fact, I think you’re right. What you hate the most is being a domesticated living thing. You would appreciate a short, intense life more than a comfortable but boring one, because it simply wouldn’t mean anything to you. You’re happier in troublesome situations than in healthy ones.
Another thing I fear is what if someone came into my life and changed me? I genuinely fear that. I don’t want to change. I always want to remain who I am. I know I’m probably not going to change easily anyway, but the idea of my sense of self changing still scares me.
It even makes me avoid certain types of people sometimes, simply because I don’t want to risk becoming different because of them. I’m always cautious about everything around me. You never really know what might influence you or what might change you.
I know this might sound stupid, because if you ever got influenced and changed, that would mean you needed to change because you had some kind of flaw, or logical flaw, and your cognitive mind would want to change. But I think if someone actually managed to change me, that would be a bit offending to the person I’ve been growing throughout the years of my fucking life. Which would also touch a bit of my ego, which is why I stupidly don’t want to change. But that’s going to happen anyway if someone gets through the walls of metal that I’ve created.