Lucid Dream

Author: Samuel

I had a dream someone I know was being abused. I immediately stepped in and told the abuser to stop. I comforted and hugged the victim. I’ve never witnessed full on physical abuse towards others in front of me (well, I did when I was I a kid), but I have witnessed people I love say racist or shitty things. In the dream, I think I might’ve been a kid again. I remember the abuser would stand over me to intimidate me and stare at me, just like my mum did when I was a kid. It always made me think she was gonna either slap me or break my neck. Her eyes would look so freaking dark during those moments, honestly. Well, one of the people I respect most has said very racist things in a public area where other people likely heard them. I just laughed as if shocked. But, I didn’t tell them to stop. I call other people little bitches. But thinking about this made me think maybe I’m one. If I respect someone a lot, I’ll probably just agree with whatever they say. Even if they’re homophobic, misogynistic or right-wing, I’ll just… agree with them or stay quiet. I might jokingly say ‘stop’, but I don’t lecture them the same way I would with someone I respect less. I get kind of tense around people I respect. It’s like a cycle. Someone my family knew would be super drunk and would still drive me and a few other kids around in their car, and the adults would also be in the car, knowing full well that person is drunk as shit. This didn’t just happen here and there, it was so often. I often think to myself, ‘What if something happened?’ Well, now, I think maybe if I knew someone else was in that situation, I’d call the police anonymously. I don’t know. I did get bullied when I was 5 years old (I don’t even remember if I was actually bullied, I’ll just take my mums word for it) and my mum was really afraid to tell the teacher. Why? Because she didn’t wanna face potential flashback from the bullies parents. Personally, if I ever found out my baby cat was being bullied, I would be so fast to tell those ugly annoying kids to fuck off back to their shit holes where they hole. That’s a trash metaphor or example but you get my point. Actually, I remember my mum told me that milk is dangerous and it’s made from pub owners. I don’t understand that. Also I can’t really take no for an answer. I mean, I can. But it pisses me off to no end deep down. It just feels so disrespectful when someone tells me no. I wasn’t even spoiled growing up. In fact, I was well behaved. It was my cousins who’d CRY and YELL whenever they didn’t get what they wanted. I usually just act polite but seethe with rage inside. Ok… there’s been a few times I’ve gotten visibly and verbally angry. You know what. I’ll share the time I got PUNCHED by a coworker (who I really fucking hated). This job was nothing special. I never really talked to any of my coworkers… cause they seemed so boring, except one. This person was noticeably arrogant and super extroverted. They’d talk to me when I didn’t want to be talked to. And it wasn’t in a cute little teasing way it was done to deliberately annoy me. So I got my karma kinda. I started jump-scaring this person and laughing OBNOXIOUSLY at their terrified face (I do genuinely like jump-scaring people though). I could tell they were genuinely pissed off every time I scared them which just made me so fucking happy. Anyways. Four years pass and we both eventually hate each-others fucking guts so much. One day, I’m just chilling doing my job. Then something comes up and this person tells me ‘no’, with the most obnoxiously arrogant disgusting smirk and tone ever. So, I reply, ‘when was the last time you showered? You stink of shit’, I know this person has some mild type of obsession with cleanliness, so I guess maybe this’ll be unwoke to some people, but IDC. Ofc, their smirk falters and they seem half pissed off half genuinely worried. I try to stay professional but I can’t help but laugh. I laughed so freaking hard at their expression. I genuinely couldn’t stop laughing, it was too funny to me. Then all of a sudden they punch me right in my face. This was my first time ever getting punched. I’d slapped and punched myself out of curiosity before this, and it actually kinda prepared me. Punches hurt more than slaps. It felt like my bones were being crushed for a second. This person wasn’t even that strong. Well, I stayed strong and tough. I didn’t cry or say ow. Instead I just spat on them and walked off. I could’ve reported them… but I didn’t. Why? Because I wanted to ruin their life even more. First I soaked their bag in coffee when nobody was looking, secondly I kept up with my jump-scares, third, I broke their work laptop and didn’t take the blame, only then did I report them after all that. But yeh… I wonder if it’s really so bad to not be able to take no for an answer. I’m someone who’s done little to no wrong in my life, and I think good people deserve what they want. It’s wild to me when people say I can’t have something. But thankfully most people do tell me yes. My point is…