Stupid Thoughts

Author: Cassandra

I have some stupid thoughts about how I want my future to be.

I want to become absurdly wealthy. I don’t particularly care how ridiculous the method is. Obviously, I won’t take it so far that I completely destroy my life, but I might as well do everything I possibly can to fulfill a desire once I have one.

And this particular desire is… interesting.

I want a luxurious, extremely private villa with, say, four to seven men living there. They know how to cook. They know how to treat me properly. They know how to make me feel like a princess.

And no, I don’t want to be famous. Quite the opposite. I want the kind of wealth where I can have basically anything I want while nobody outside my circle even knows who I am.

As for the men, obviously I’m imagining them being hired. Maybe even “bought,” in the ridiculous fantasy version of this. I don’t want emotional attachment from any of them. I just want them there whenever I need them.

Although, admittedly, I would probably try to get their genuine attention anyway, purely because it would feed my narcissistic side. There’s something satisfying about knowing someone genuinely wants your attention when you don’t necessarily want theirs.

And yes, I’m using “narcissism” here in the colloquial sense. I’m not diagnosed with anything. I’m just describing how I think about myself and my own thoughts.

I don’t want emotional attachment. I want the luxury, the attention, the control, and the ability to keep people around because I can.

The darker part is that, in the fantasy, I don’t want them to have completely normal, uncomplicated lives. I want them fucked up enough to make the whole arrangement… interesting.

Apparently, not everyone understands my particular definition of “fun.”

Then there’s another thought I’ve had.

What if I hired a killer to find me and kill me?

Except I wouldn’t actually want him to kill me. I’d want him to psychologically torture me instead. Basically, I’d put myself into the position of being hunted, captured, and completely at someone else’s mercy.

I don’t really know why that idea appeals to me.

Whenever I watch a movie that’s particularly fucked up, especially something involving psychological torture, captivity, or extreme situations, I start imagining myself in the character’s position.

Maybe it’s the fear. Maybe it’s the loss of control. Maybe it’s the intensity of being put into a situation where there is absolutely nothing ordinary about it anymore.

I don’t know.

But apparently my brain’s idea of entertainment is occasionally imagining myself living through the most psychologically fucked-up scenario possible.

So… recommendations? Movies, books, whatever.

I’m curious what else might trigger this particular flavor of insanity.

Oh, and one more thing:

If I ever become filthy wealthy, I’m definitely going to support this website and the admin. (Or to buy both?)

Actually, admin, can I make you my personal servant?

If I ever have enough money to buy you, that is.

Heheheh.

Don’t worry, I’ll probably treat you well. Probably.