My First High

Author: Meow

My first “highs”. For some reason, lately I keep thinking about this experience. Actually… it happened around October 1st, and that’s pretty soon. Makes me kinda nervous, Octobers always been a weird month for me. Hopefully writing this will maybe make my mind STFU about this. I still have a more mild version available of this but I’m too much of a pussy to try this again. This happened years ago. But it was just suuuuuch a weird experience. Only 3 people I’m close with know about this experience of mine. And one of them even had a somewhat similar experience, but less extreme. Not gonna specify what I used to achieve this “high”, if you’re really that curious then you can probably find it out yourself easily enough.

Day 1 – I do it. I feel kinda odd. Not dizzy, just odd. But calm. I stand up, my legs feel light as hell. But in a good way. Like I could run 20 miles and they wouldn’t hurt. But then I feel faint and pass out on my bed for about 2 hours. I wake up – I don’t really understand what was going through my head, but I decide to just go about my day normally like nothing happened.
Day 2 – I get curious. I’m feeling bored, and I’m alone. It’s like 7pm. There’s a bunch of it right next to me. I mean a LOT. My dumbass decides to take far more than I should’ve. Was I suicidal? No. Just dumb and curious. I took about 11. I counted them. I think I maybe hesitated before taking more (which probably would’ve genuinely fucked me up), either that or I passed out before I could take any more. The unfortunate part about this is that I actually suffered memory loss, so I don’t fully know what I went through. Anyways. I pass out. My memory is odd, but I remember I woke up hours later and it was dark outside. Barely lit. I was laying on my bed, eyes wide open. I still remember how calm I felt. I hallucinated a bunch of black bugs everywhere. Literally EVERYWHERE. But it was weird. You know that black noise effect you sometimes see in movies or vintage films? Yeah, like that. Normally, seeing that would’ve freaked me out. But I felt so at peace. And my body, if I remember, felt weird-ish. My legs were turning numb. I think I either suffered the memory loss here or went back to sleep. Anyways, I wake up hours later again. Fuck, it was 7pm here, my memory of the timing is all screwed. Either way, I’m pretty sure it was at its peak here. My pupils were BLOWN like crazy. I was sweating an insane amount. My legs were numb. I genuinely couldn’t stand up. My eyes were too wide. I was kinda cold but also too hot. I wasn’t hallucinating anything. Here, I am actually anxious and scared. For a few minutes I just lie down with my blanket over me. It was hard to think, but I was managing barely there thoughts like “What the fuck?” “Am I dying?” after a few minutes, I try to stand up. Of course, as someone who used to be a major hypochondriac, I was panicking about the fact my legs were straight up NUMB. I couldn’t stand. But finally a few minutes later, I muster the strength to stand and I cling to the walls to help me walk. For some reason, I get in the shower. I don’t know why, I just felt like it. I sit in the shower a bit. It goes by quick. I get out, and I still remember the shirt I chose. I still sometimes wear that shirt. It’s grey. Then I go down to my livingroom and for a few minutes I just stare at the wall. Then I put on TV and basically zone out for maybe an hour or two. I checked my heart rate and it was 160-200. I pause, wondering if I’m gonna have a heart attack. I contemplated calling an ambulance, but couldn’t be bothered. An hour or half later, the hallucinations kick in again. This time I’m actually paranoid. I hear voices of people I know/knew. First, a teacher that I used to have with a student walking nearby. Then a colleague I used to work with. Then, family members also nearby. I don’t hide but it feels like I am hiding. Then I look up and there’s a painting of pills on the roof. I stare at it for a few seconds. Just staring. Then I just continue watching TV. For the next 24 hours, I was pretty much zoned out, feeling like I’m in heaven. However I’m still curious what happened during the moments I suffered memory loss.

Experience 3 – Decided to try it again, this time the same amount as day 1. I was kinda anxious, especially after experience 2. But curiosity did kill the cat… this time, I specifically remember sweating like hell, and laying in bed being unable to stop moving my legs. I had to keep moving them.

Anyways, there were a few other times but those experiences were the most intense. I still remember how fucking massive my pupils were. I have blue eyes but they looked black. It was a cool experience though. Just a little too dangerous. Don’t recommend. I’m not bipolar but I was probably going through what you’d call mania or similar at that time. It was YEARS ago. I’ve had multiple near death experiences but that one just sticks in my mind. Probably cause the chemicals in my brain were going crazy.